Sunday, November 25, 2012

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Big ass head


no homo. i like big heads lmao







Rihanna
11/9/2012



you get a A+ hoe




lol,



Lena

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I've loved and I've lost...


#1. In addition to the two dogs we have here, we also had two cats.


But yesterday, Shorty passed away at the next door neighbor's house. que triste.



RIP mamas.


My aunt had that cat since I was 7 or 8, but she probably had it longer b/c she was 17 years old when she passed yesterday.


Anyway, that was my way of showing some respect to her and her life, since we didn't even have a funeral or proper mourning for her -_-

But yeah..



and #2 have you guys ever seen this video? I just watched it.















love,


me


This website spoof af

www.californiabirthindex.org/fullname/vargas/ailena



look yourself up!!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Hahahahahahaha

 I walk into the living room, and notice that the dogs are passed out.




So I go up to Bella and start rubbing all over her face, shaking her up, and messing with her.


She's still passed out.


And I'M LMAO



And I'm like Now you know how it feels to be jumped all over, huh?




And then she gets up and starts jumping all over me.


What a smart bitch. LOL





LOve



AILena

I VOTED!!

YAY Me!!!!!!!


Anyhow,


Do I believe the president has already been preselected?

Yes.


My predictions:


Obama will win, and will barely win by like one vote, like last time.


It would highly upset a lot of white folk if Obama were to win by a landslide, but we will see.


The future isn't here yet, and I'm no psychic, but if I'm right. I'll just say I knew it.


FUCK ROMNEY.

OBAMA 4 LIFE CUHHHHH!!!




love,


Lena

Monday, November 5, 2012

Today....

Marks my one month anniversary in Redlands!!! Whoo hoo!!
 SIKE -_-


But yeah, I came last month, October 5th, and now it's November 5th. Do the math. i'll wait...


so, what to do, what to do, what to do??

ehhh..nothin but look cute..


but seriously,
i have some things i need to do.


so,

i'll holla at JU later!!!



love ju,


lena



p.s. JU-LY-ER!!!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Last Day...

I caught myself thinking aloud...


And all of a sudden babi3 pops up...


Then, I start reasoning... Why does babi3 even pop up in my head?

I haven't been thinking about him lately, but at one point in my life, I though about him frequently, daily at least; and I haven't thought about him at all in the past few days.


Since the first day I met him, I knew I would have to part ways from him eventually, so I trained myself to be ready for our last day.

And that day is near. I stand ready, but at the same time, I ask myself why is this even a little bit hard?


I now realize why.


Babi3 has never hurt me.



He has never messed with another girl or showed true interest in another girl in front of me, nor has he ever physically put his hands on me in a threatening way.

If anything, he has been my best friend.


Granted, he has showered beer over me, lied about the stupidest stuff, was really mean to me when we went to jail together, made me buy all his beer cuz he's too young, cracked the screen on my phone, has yelled at me, other stuff etc,



but he has also done stuff like wait for me for 3 hours, with at least an hour everyday, just standing outside and waiting, and he did tell me I was pretty, but only when I asked him if I felt down, and he always encouraged me to do better by talking shit... and he tried to teach me how to jerk/dance, and he helped me pick out my fallens f1thz...


Point is, babie was always really good to me and this is what makes it harder for me to let go; but I can.



Well, my flag is up, and the day is here.

May my horizon be clear and tailwind strong.

I'm ready.



*
Babi3, Keep doin' good & stay Sane.
*



Much love,


AILENA





p.s. good night to smoke. Smoke up.
 That extra hour really prolonged the day...




tHESE CHILDREN ARE...

HI, KILLERS!



MUAHAaha



lol


A-baby

These little b******

Firstly,


I've forgot to tell ju guys but, I'm finally getting my driver's license!! Yay me! At the ripe age of 22
 -_-


Anyway, I'm getting it, never had one before, so yeah its a big ASS deal :)


But this weekend has been good and isn't over just yet...


I took my little cousins Toni, Asia and Malaika to Venice Beach yesterday since my cousin Toni is visiting from Indiana and I wanted to get her out of Redlands for the day and go to the beach.


Asia took Venice Beach by storm, wylin' all over the damn place. Toni smoked her cigarettes every fuckin' second eeww, and Malaika did her L7 activities by being quiet most of the time. No matter what, I still love my cousins to death though :)
>And me being the oldest, I was the ring leader

But at the end of the day, I realized this, we are all the same from years ago when we were little. I'm still bossy af, Toni is still a complainer, Asia is still hyperactive, and Malaika is still Malaika.


But we're some fire ass b******, no lie. I mean, we had the Niggas lovin' us. Even my fat ass too lol


And I realized that their ain't no friends like ur cousins!!


Plus I had pupusas for the first time, they coo' coo'



But the drama went down this morning. I get a call around 11 something from my cousin Toni.


After we went to the beach, I took them to the boulevard to check out Hollywood. So me, Toni, and Asia have been planning for a week+ now to take professional pics. We wanted to have the memories of now forever, cuz we literally haven't seen Toni in 6 years..

So we needed to buy dresses so we could look nice in the pics. Me and Asia find the dress we want, and it's the same dress, and Toni found one too. Then she changes her mind, says she doesn't want it. So we went to 4 other stores looking. And then she finally settled for one. Even though it didn't really match ours well,and I thought the 1st one was better, oh well, she's from Indiana, so she really doesn't have that fresh Cali girl style like me and Asia.

But the whole time we're doing all this, Asia is getting irritated cuz she's tired and Toni was wasting a lot of time and making us late.


And Toni knew Asia was kinda upset with her, and I told her too and explained it to her cuz she asked me, but we all we're fine after that. And I didn't think anything of it.


But come this morning, Toni made a big deal out of it, escalating it into something it was not even worth the energy of escalating it into.

So then I had to go back and forth on the phone with them, trying to come to a resolution bc we had an appointment at 4:30 to take our pictures. And I had bought them dresses that I now, could have saved my money on.
Because at the end of it, we're not gonna take the pictures -_-


I was mostly on the phone with Asia, and she made it clear that if she was around Toni, she would hit her. And that is how upset she was.

So I think just me and Asia are gonna take the pics later...

But these little b****** upset me bc I was excited to take pics and stuff, and them fighting over some frivolous ass bullshit is the reason why we're not. Like what a waste of time, energy, and money, bc we prepaid to take the pics too -_-

Whatever, but it's like family fued now, and I just want the drama to be finished, shits all in the past anyways...


But now that the giants and pittsburgh game is over I'ma call my cousin Asia and see what happened. I didn't wanna ruin her game, cuz those are her teams...


oh and plus I've been smoking -_-
I smoked with Tundae on Thursday and yesterday at the beach..
so yeah, it was a good two months tho :)
Love ju Mary!


ANYWAY,

I'LL HOLLA AT JU LATER




LOVE,

LENA




P,S , JU   LY-ER!!




Wednesday, October 31, 2012

-_-

Gotta go to L.A. tomorrow and I really don't want to.


I have to go for trial . Hopefully I can avoid any charges and jail time, or else it'll be a violation of my probation, and then I'll have to really go to jail and do some other bullshit, which, hell no, I am not down for. Just to think that all this started one night when me and Matt were stealing a bottle of moscato -_- We had money, but young us, we weren't 21 yet

Long story short, I looked suspect being black (1), and fitted in my blue Dodgers shirt, hat, and matching cortez, for the second they were hot (2); and idk how we ended up getting caught up, but we did.

In the end, if I would have known that shit would have went down as far as it went, I would've never let it go that far. I had time and the opportunity to get away, but I said fuck it, I was ignorant and didn't know how fucked up the system really was, and I decided to be cordial. I mean, logically, how upset could I be with a lady who was simply doing her job?

#iaintmadatcha


but what did upset me is that her and her male partner latched their grubby little greasy fingers onto my purse and then I was pisssssssed. That's when I started going off, like some shit that most people that even remotely know me would not even think I was capable of doing, and Matt was one person like such that witnessed it. And as I 'm going off, he's just pacing in the background, not knowing what to do...

and at this point, i'm just angry af,  wylin all over the damn place


then after all the crazy eyes, yelling and some mo' shit,

I calmed, and just started peeling her fingers off my bag one by one. And she gets pissed. Um, duh bitch, now you know how I feel? Touching all upon my personal property? My gucci bag ain't cheap hoe Lol

And she takes a swing at me. And me, being the naturally fantastic reflexer I am, I ducked or some shit and she misses, and I swing back automatic with my left hand, not even left-handed, and my fist smacks the bitch on the nose/cheek/eye all at once. Then she starts pulling my hair. I'm thinking like... honey, it's a weave, pull all you want, it's just gonna come out. Duh

Then she starts yelling: I'ma call the cops, this is robbery, blah, blah

and im thinkin like well call the po-po hoe

but no, i did not know better.


so the police come soon af

Matt's gone, i think, idk

but it's all good, I don't expect a lil bro to go down for me and my shit

and this fat Asian cop slams me on the ground, digs his fat ass knee into my lower back, and the whole time I'm screamin' for my life. I'm like owwww owww owwww at the top of my lungs, literally

then he sits me in his car, and i'm fumin', just every inch of my body is releasing heat and i can barely breathe. I'm beyond pissed

then he gets me up and switches me to a different squad car, and by this point, i had already logically calmed myself down, and told myself let's just get this shit over with as quickly as possible...


so I hopped up, walked myself to the car, but he was holding me, and I guess I was walking a little too rapid for his fat ass, cuz he was mad. And he hit my leg and made me put it in the car, and then after I'm in, and been handcuffed, he reaches his fatass porkchop hands in and puts his fingers around my neck, choking me.

I didn't even think, cuz my foot flew fast af onto that pig's chest, my only line of self-defense. then I flew out the car. then there's like 4 cops trying to straighten me out n pull me apart. But i was standing up, my legs spread apart, with my head between my legs n my hands up in the air, and I was not moving, stiff af. He was trying to shove me on the ground again, but I was like fuck that, his fatass is not gonna lay on me again.

And he started  saying some shit like, are you gonna stop acting like an animal, and act like a civilized human being blah blah blah..


and that's how I ended up on probation, charged with assault on an officer x2, and spent 18 days in jail, 14 in county, with my bunkie Loca...and when I was in county, I was chillen like a villan, couldn't do much else. And Loca had stories for dayyys, that's why I loved her, and she was a crazy bitch, no lie. I mean the first time she went to prison, it was for 10 years. Yeah, you could say she was institutionalized.. she knew all the rules and how to get around them. And when certain deputies would be bitches to us, she would be pissed and say how she couldn't wait to get back to prison cuz that shit wouldn't fly there and those types of bitches got their ass beat off-top. N I would just laugh....


Anyway, I know I said that would be a short story, but it wasn't all that short..


so yeah, gotta go for trial since I decided to fight my latest charge  -_- which is dumb af. I would say what it is, but it's pretty embarrassing, maybe later...

Then I was thinking about hitting the beach to catch a breeze,

and I wish I could catch up with Tundae, but idk, there's so many cons to that...

I mean I love him and all, but I don't him to bitch about the beach being too far, or that he has to do something for so and so, or idk, the whole i'm not smoking now might not work

but whatever, i'll invite him and that's what I can do.

oh, and only i can talk about tun like this^ cuz he's my bitccch :)

Anyway,

I hope everybody has a safe and nice Halloween. Me, personally, I'm not doing anything. I made delicious cupcakes yesterday, I have a small bag of candy, the dogs, and the t.v. But I think I'm just gonna plan my outfit for tomorrow, take a shower and sleep.

And for the past 2-3 days, I would come home at 5, pass out, and wake up at like 4... but I guess I didn't do it today because I had so much energy, being a holiday and all, that shit is just in the air, and I was soaking it up.

ANyway,

Good night,
I will see you bright and early L.a., even though I don't want to...


PEACE for the bitches with yeast,


Ailena

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Last minute

Gonna make a last minute trip to LA


PEACE



AILENA

Friday, October 26, 2012

Fuck

Why do my feelings hurt?



Why?


I hate it.



Sometimes, I wish I would have never met him. I wish when he came my way, I would have turned around, looked the other way, and ignored him.


I wish, I wish, I wish ...


I wish I would have never been subjected to all the bullshit I had to go through to just come out a loser.



Whatever. I've made my mistakes, more than you'll ever know, and more than what I'll ever tell you because I know what it'll do to you. It'll hurt.
And I would never want you to feel what I feel now. Never.



I just wish I would have never ever ever in my life met you. Because from day to day, I still think about you, STILL. Even when I had a stupid boyfriend I thought I loved, STILL, but just not as often. And even when Babi3 came in to my life, I had wished it was you instead of him, cause I knew you'd treat me right and treat me better.
And even to this very night, I wish it was you who was in my life, and I wish it was you that I Never met.


Why?

Because I know it's far too late to turn back now. Even if it wasn't for you, it is for me.


And why I have to share this with the whole world? I don't know, but I have to vent somehow, now that I find my weak ass in silent tears.

But these things, they play with my mind.
So, does her name start with a C?
Do you think about marrying her?
Or is it just that you really love her?


The things your mind wonders when you can't do anything but wonder.


Well, I just wonder what God's purpose was in ever putting you in my life path, and even then by keeping us connected spiritually. If anything, when I look to you, I see a true friend, in a way of sorts. And when I looked to the future, I saw us being only friends. So why does this hurt?


Idk. Life can be so incredibly vague and unexplainable especially when we need answers the most.

Anyway, I hope I can get over this.
Move on...? Trust me, I have.
But get you out of my head, Idk
It feels like a life-long disease..

Maybe it can't be cured, but hopefully I'll reach that one day when I'll be happy for you, and you'll be happy for me, and we'll have all the things we need, success, health, and love, and there just won't be time to think about each other... And maybe in the future, I'll pass you walking down the street, we won't say anything, just nod, and know and acknowledge that we've finally made it to that point in our lives...


But for now, don't think about me. Because everytime you think about me, it connects your energy to mine, and we stayed connected because I think about you in return. And I don't know when it will stop, but hopefully this connection will only be one-way, and eventually disconnected.




Be peace love,


AILENA



To Him,

I could talk about a lot of bullshit, but right now, I won't.

When you look at the overall meaning of life, these things really are irrelevant and insipid.


If there's any advice that I can give to you lovers and dreamers out there, I would say this:



Love, and let live.


If you have ever been in love with someone, or loved someone, you know it's a beautiful thing.

It's a beautiful feeling, beautiful vibration, it's brightening and awakening; an ecstasy of sorts.


But if that person ever hurts you, let them live.

Don't chase them, don't stalk them, don't worry about them, throw their ass straight out the window, and DGAF.


Because one thing I know about people, is that once they make one mistake, they are bound to make it again. Not that every person will, but some people may, especially if they did not learn from their past actions. Simple.

So I would say that if a person that you love, hurts you, let live.



I learned from experience from my first boyfriend. And I learned a lot. I won't deny the fact that I was ignorant to the subject of boys and love, because I was ignorant Af.

But peep game, and learn from my story.

In short, I met my first boyfriend Daven in May 2011. I met him because we lived within vicinity of each other. One day, he told me I was very beautiful, the first words he ever said to me. Another day, he was talking to me, and he called me "sweetie" or something like that, and I immediately corrected him, and told him that my name is Ailena. Then he was discouraged or butthurt by that, since I can be very rude, and stopped talking to me. So a few days later, I decided to talk to him, and that's how it all started.

Anyway, three months go by, and shit hits the fan. Between that time, he had some how convinced me to be his girlfriend, I wasn't comfortable with the term because I had never been there; and had somehow convinced me that he loved me, and that I loved him. And he had also got me pregnant.

So at the three month point of our relationship, I was 2 months pregnant, he had left me and went to the Bay Area, and I still loved him regardless of the fact that he had left me.

He did not know I was pregnant, but claims that he knew, even before I knew, because he had a feeling. But when I got tested, it proved to be true, and he was already gone.

He wanted to keep the baby, but I had no doubts about what I was going to do; well, for the most part anyway. And that's when I consulted with Tundae; and in the same day, I coincidentally saw Him, we were by Cali's Finest, since that was me and Tun's favorite shop at the time. Then, me and Tun smoked up, and we talked, and he only reassured me that it was an okay thing to do.
But let me tell you, it wasn't.

I did the procedure and left for San Francisco within the next 2-3 weeks. When I got to San Francisco, Daven came to stay with me for 3 days before he disappeared, and "went to jail". What he was really doing is irrelevant now, and I know he was not in jail. But at the time, I was so hurt, and I stuck by his side and every little lie.

And for the next three months, I never saw him. I cried about what I had did, then and for months later. And the fact that I could feel my baby's soul hover around me, made me regret what I had done with every ounce of my being.

Then 3 months later, he appeared with his "sisters" a lesbian couple he had known since middle school, and who he was basically on the run with. At this time, he still lied to me, physically hurt me, by choking me and pushing me onto the ground, and come to find out, he got another girl pregnant. But no, silly me, I still loved him and forgave him. -_-

Then I decided to move us to Sacramento since they could not stay in San Francisco. I put the deposit and first months rent on an apartment, I bought us the necessities for the apartment, beds, food, toiletries, etc., and I even bought a car so that we could get around.

Everything seemed okay, but it wasn't. Come to find out, he had been tweeking, smoking crystal meth, when this dumb chick that gave us a ride offered, and had possibly been doing it before. This led to a lot of acts of unclarity from him, and anger.

Within a week of moving to Sac, we had broken up, and I was sleeping in the living room. But I still loved him.


Shit only got worse one day when I was talking on the phone to my friend, Natalie. We were talking about my situation, and she was like fuck him, I got another dude right here that wants you right now, blah blah blah, and then she put dude on the phone. And I said something like, oh, I like to go to the beach.... and Daven comes out and hangs up my conversation. He didn't want me to talk to other guys.

And this is the point where I should have known to just let him live, but I didn't I still loved him after all of this:

Within the next day or two, my blackberry took a flight across a street and over a telephone wire, and the screen didn't work and the phone was cracked open, but I figured out it still called. And he had physically hit me and battered me, and kicked me out of my house.

I didn't want to go, I had nowhere to go, and I was crying my eyes out, but I had no choice. I packed my stuff into my little car and left.
And even after this, I still loved him.

WTF, huh?


And for the next few days, I would sleep in my car at night, and go to Starbucks during the day and use my computer, and then drive back, past the house, and go sleep in my car down the street.
It was fine, but part of me still wanted to go back to him, and wondered was it really over?

It wasn't until one night, when I was sleeping alone in my car in the ghetto of Sacramento, that someone had come up to the car and tried to get in. The windows were all fogged up, so I couldn't see through them, but they tried the handle, and immediately, the beast in me came out, and this deep ass masculine voice came out of me and I said something like "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?"

And after that night I was too scared to stay, and I know I needed to leave. I called the only person I knew who would answer, my mom, she sent me gas money, and I drove all the way back to LA the next day.




When I look back at that, I see that as a learning experience. I saw that what I had for him was not love, and that was a true trickery of an illusion. Although, he said the words, I know now that words mean very little. I should have seen through him, but young me, I was suckered into thinking things that were fairytale like. But when I look back at it, it was like falling, hitting my knee, and getting back up, because I got over him like nothing, and he never crosses my mind.

And it's funny because before all this even thought to transpire, I had a dream that showed me how things would happen in my life for what has proven now to be at least two years following that dream. And I specifically seen myself following a white skinned boy down a hill, I fell down, hit my knee, and when I looked up, he was gone. That was one of the events in the dream.


But overall, what I mean, is that if someone hurts you that you loved, thought to have loved, or even still love, FUCK IT. Let them live their life and move on.

That's the best thing you can do.



It sucks to be on the other side though.

I know that a guy who I can honestly say is the closest I have come to ever truly loving another human being outside of my family, let me live, when I hurt him.

Maybe, he never loved me in the first place?
Well, at least I loved him.

But I think I hurt him when the unthinkable happened. And when the unthinkable happened, it was not my fault, but I assumed responsibility for it.

And how he found out, I'll never truly know. I never tried to hide it though, I'm an honest person. But I knew he had known months later, when our friend Matt said that he knew what happened because either him or his dreadlocked jackal look alike friend told him about it, I knew he knew.

I never meant to hurt him, but at least he let me live.


Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. And I'm extremely proud of who I am and where I am today. Even if I literally been through hell and back since then.... Wouldn't take nothing from my journey now...




So even if it is me, and I'm the person you loved, still love, or thought to have loved, say fuck you, call me/that person whatever names and titles you need to throw at them to help yourself cope, and once you move on, don't tum back. There ain't no second chances hoe Lol

Because they're bound to do it again.


*Oops I did it again, I played with you heart*

Don't say I didn't tell you so


and press forward lil bro, Didn't I say I seen you make it?




Love You Long Time,


Ailena :-*








Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Ugggh

I had a good day today :)

 Overall, I wasn't feeling tired or sluggish due to my usual lack of sleep, even though I did only sleep 3 hours.

I was a lot more patient than usual today, which I have to THANK God graciously for, since I found that he does answer prayers. I had to ask him to give me more patience and less stress, or else I was about to karate-chop a lil mufuhker in that bitch!!! REAL shit

Well, I go to my Auntie's house everyday b/c I work at her daycare, and I CAN'T stand those badass lil snotty-nosed fukers, they drive me insane! Which is unusual b/c I usually LOVE children. But those kids, I tolerate. And when I caught myself literally thinking that I would hurt one of them, I had to pray on it, and it worked. Lol

But yes, today had an overall good feeling, from beginning to end.

I talked to my bro Andrew and his girl Julia, and they said they'll probably come see me tomorrow. Yayyy!! I need some fun in my life. I just hope he doesn't bring weed b/c I quit for the moment, and I haven't smoke since a week after my b-day, and I gotta not smoke. But if he brings it, I will be tempted, so idk idk

But we'll still have fun regardless... they said movies, but I'm like ehhh... there's nothing I wanna see. And I looked hella cute today, so I wanna look hella cute tomorrow too. What should I wear? Hmmm. I'm thinking... tights, Uggies, spaghetti strap tank, and a thin cardigan, cute, right? Lol
And the pink/gold hoops :) oh la la

Well, we'll see tomorrow, and hopefully my day is just as good as today, if not better :)

Well, I'm feeling like Ughhh now bc I'm being lazy.

I've been home since like 7ish and all I have managed to do is bullshit on the computer, make some phone calls, straighten up my room, and cook myself dinner, oh, and accidentally nap for an hour. Wtf


But I need to get some shit done, and I will before I sleep, I must.

But I hate having this feeling of not wanting to do shit. So I'ma try, and if it's a fail, then I'ma just shower and got to bed bc I don't force myself to anything that I don't want to. But shit I don't feel like doing anything except entertaining myself...


Anyway, I'ma go now and get some shit done,


Until next time,



PEACE


Ailena

Friday, October 19, 2012

real brief

 I always dream of large, over the top, huge ass fucking restrooms like you wouldn't believe, Some really nice, some regular, but they are always over the top, big as fuck like at least 100 stalls. Think about it.

So i decided to look up what bathrooms mean in dreams... I mean no one really knows, it's for me to determine for myself or someone who knows me, but here's an answer i liked :

A bathroom in your dream represents personal freedom and cleansing. It is important that you have an opportunity to expand business affairs to reach a satisfying conclusion.
>>> http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/bathroom


to me it generally means that I desire to have a lot in life. And what says it more than a big ass, nice ass bathroom???

And then I had a dream in which I was surfing over deep water on a boogie board -_- the water was clear, and i was scared b/c i generally am scared of being in the middle of the fucking ocean with no land near by. but the water was crisp and clear, no waves, only wind, and my mom was watering the fucking ocean with a long ass water hose and i was following her around, then she sped up, so we were going really fast over the water, and the wind picked up and i was scared it would knock me over, but i kept my balance, and i was looking down the whole time,to see if there were any sharks, and through the water, i saw an electric eel posted at the bottom of the ocean, and i just kept going like deuces lol

and i looked it up, and it said something about sexuality, a man's penis, blah blah blah, and i was like wtf cuz

to me, i was thinking that, serpent like, and beneath me, it was some kind of negativity that would try to bring me down, but i went over it smoothly, right??

but here's the best answer i found that i liked, about eels in water, and the type of water:


The decisive clue for the meaning of the dream is the quality of the water. Clear, flowing water, the view is nice – the spirit of your life could change. You would have more (mental) positive, clear ideas and their implementation is now very important. The adherence of ingrained habits should be now removed.


which is possibly true, and would absolutely make sense to me in my life at this particular time.


Then I looked up the meaning of water, b/c water also frequents my dreamland on the regular.
And most recently, with this eel, and gliding over the water on  a boogie board, i thought it resembled walking on water hahaha or more so, that i liked what that symbolized: 

1.If your crossing the ocean water with ease means that you show a great ability to experience freedom and independence.

2.Walking on Water – Means you at the top of your emotions and you have complete control. You might also have some hidden qualities.

And then, this long ass piece about wind:

( the wind was pushing me from behind y'all!!,lol)

Wind is a dream symbol of intellect. The interpretation of dreams depends primarily on the strength of the wind. Dreaming of sunny day with a gentle breeze suggests ease and pleasure. New idea or a plan stimulating this kind of dreaming activity. A storm could stand for a principle for which the dreamer feels passionate, while a north wind is perhaps the threat to his safety. Wind embodies spiritual and psychological forces – affect the lives – sometimes unconsciously. If wind comes from behind, then promises rapid progress, but if wind is from the front, then it indicates barriers.

Psychologically:

The wind was among many nations as a breath of the earth. In it was seen the work of higher forces. The wind often changes very quickly its direction and strength. As a dream symbol it stands for the instability and volatility. In the dream, the wind is a natural event. Wind is a sign of strong energy. But even if the wind stands, it indicates strong spiritual energy. But if in a dream is a raging storm, this may be an indication of violence. The dream of wind usually brings fresh air into our personal affairs and relationships. It drives our ship of life (our spiritual engine) that moves us to action, the additional energy releases, so that we can reach an ambitious goal quickly, which is more easily if it is a tailwind. Softly whispering wind can get us in a more stable path. On the psychological level the wind announces to a new and deeper consciousness. In the Bible announces the Holy Spirit as a rushing, mighty wind, so strong wind can also stand in the dream of a revelation.

Spiritually:

The wind in a dream symbolizes the power of the mind and the motion of the life.

Traditionally:

European
- Dreaming of wind in general: intellectual energy discharge & promises good news;
- The winds are interpreted according to the direction from which they blow;
- Oncoming wind: imminent worries, brings inhibitions of any kind;
- Tailwind: success of operations & good progress;
- To see something is fluttering: announces news;
- If wind is gentle or melancholich: you will receive bereavement by a large fortune;
- Dreaming of a violent blast of wind: announce disappointing business;
- To hear the wind whistle: alienate a person whose life is meaningless without you;
- Fast counter by a fresh wind: you will resist temptation and courageously pursue happiness with great determination;
- If the wind blows a forward against your wish: promises professional failures and disappointments in love;
- Blowing in the right direction: you will find unexpected and helpful allies, or have a natural advantage over a rival or competitor;


Anyway, HAVE A GOOD FRIDAY :)


PEACE


-LENA

Hey blogger, what's up??

Well, I decided to blog today since I haven't blogged in a while.

I'm eating some bomb ass cinnamon toast crunch right now, and waiting.

I'm so excited because tomorrow is my mom's graduation from doctorate school, and today is her b-day. She's probably at benihana's right now because that's her b-day spot and I hella wish I could be there for some food lol

But tomorrow we're gonna leave at 9, and go to my mom's graduation in Pasadena at 11. And then we're gonna go eat at Buca di Beppos (or whatever) I don't really like that place but it's good for big parties since everything is served to be shared. Anyways, it's more about her graduation and good times with my family.

And I'm waiting because my Auntie is going to come pick me up so we could go shopping at Wal-mart. I haven't been to a fucking Wal-mart since I left the i.e. 8 years ago -_- but whatever, they have good shit there.

But I wanted to go to this little fashion store called Citiwear cuz I saw hella cute stuff there, and I wanted to buy something to wear tomorrow and buy my mom a gift. I saw this cute bag there, that I know my mom would adore, and a cute scarf. She desperately needs a new bag, and a scarf would be good for the cold weather coming up, but I guess I can't get it...

Me and my cousin went there after she got off work, because she needed to buy some shirts to go out tonight, and to wear tomorrow...and that's when I saw all the cute stuff, but I didn't have any money on me, plus she doesn't know I have money, so I asked her to buy me earrings that I desperately needed and she bought me gel too..

And I was planning on going back to the store and getting fitted, and buying my mom gifts n stuff, but I have no way there. To be a small town, Redlands is big af, everything is far away. Like in Hollywood, everything, Target, shopping, mall, tattoo shop, whatever was within walking distance if you didn't mind, or a train/bus ride away. Here, nothing is in walking distance, and the two buses that do run, run like every 5 hours... so there was no way to get there n back, so I called my Auntie to see if she would take me, she said she was about to go somewhere but she was going to Wal-mart later on, so I figured I would take what I can get, since I have to get my mom something. And I'm just going to wear my black/pink dress, with light brown/gold zebra heels, and the gold/pink earrings I made my cousin buy me.

And my cousin went to San Diego, and my Aunt went back to Palm Springs, so I'm just home alone with the dogs now.

And just to clarify I have two main aunts out here. My Aunt Becky who I live with, and My Auntie Teresa who's house I go to everyday. I will differentiate them for future reference by using aunt or auntie, because that is what I call them. My Aunt Becky is white, hence the Aunt, and my Auntie Teresa is black, and we call our Aunt's Auntie, well some of us.


And now I'm waiting on my Auntie to pick me up and I'm already knowin it's going to be awhile, so I figured I had to time to blog. And hopefully we can stop and get some food somewhere, in particular, at Cuca's, the best Mexican food in the world. You'd think L.a. would shit on Cuca's with all the mexicos out there, but it's not even fuckin with Cuca's at all, real shit. Anyway, a bean, rice and cheese burrito would be good, and nutritious. Otherwise I'll wait til I get home and either make a breakfast burrito, eggs, potato and cheese and soak that shit in tapatio, or I'll fuck with some brown rice, sauteed mushrooms and spinach. That shit be firrrrrreeeeee.

Anyway, I'll probably be waiting for a minute, so I might work on some business since I'ma have a big break this weekend. I was gonna say fuck it, and not do any today but there's nothing on t.v., it's Friday night n you know what that means, and I have nothing better to do. I have been working non-stop on it tho. And I noticed just recently that a lot of people are talking about starting a business as of late, and I'm really, genuinely happy for them! I know when I saw myself come up, I saw multiple people coming up at the same time, and I saw us all at the top, so all this means to me, is that this is a good sign, and that my timing is right. So I'ma cheer EVERYONE on to make it, cuz that means I'm making it too.

Well, I've said all the bullshit I've wanted to say blogger.

And the reason why I haven't blogged in so long is cuz I was busy last weekend, then I had a bad dream in the beginning of the week that really brought me down, and it made me not feel like doing anything. Then, I felt like I had too much to say and didnt know how to sort it out. I was blogging, and was telling the story of my ex, my first boyfriend, but then my mom called me, which totally brightened my day and changed the subject, and I was like whytf am I even talking about this... so I stopped. But it's saved as a draft, so I might publish it. And I think I might write about dreams soon, which reminds me, I wanna google some stuff....

And I was gonna say one more thing about business, but I forgot, so maybe I will include it next time,


Until then,


PEACE!




-Lena

P.s. Oh wait I remember....umm.....wait...........fuck, i forgot just as fast as I remembered lol nevermind!

ok, five minutes later, I do remember what I wanted to say and that was that I completely underestimated how long it would take me to get my business together. I don't want to calculate time into my business as a determining factor, but the over-zealous, over-achiever in me that I can be at times,  was like fuck yeah, I'ma get this shit done in a weekend. Womp, nope. It's gonna take me far longer than a weekend. But I feel it. It's coming along. And did I mention? My first semester at Hami, I had straight A's and was taking 11th grade classes. Yup. But good ol' Hami fucked over my life. Thanks:)  for completely uninspiring the shit out of me. Anyways, Byyye! N good luck to y'all makin moves out there cuhz

Friday, October 12, 2012

So quick update on my boring life,

but first,

I noticed today that I join every popular social media outlet,i.e. facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, etc.

But I never care to really update or use them very much and idk why, but I just don't.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of use on these things, but in general day to day life, nah. Like for instance, I've had a twitter since 2008 and I don't even have 2,000 tweets yet vs. the people who've had it for a day and have like 3,000 tweets. Maybe it's because I don't really like them, cuz I don't like twitter just for the fact that it's the same 3 people tweeting the same shit from yesterday, just in different words. WTH. Anyway, the coolest of them all is blogger, and even though my blog has never been very interesting, or had many pictures, I still dig it the most. However, I still don't care to update it; my layout and bio may be the same forever muahahahaha jk, but we'll see :)

Since I got home, I've been mixing a little work with pleasure. When I first got back, nothing was on t.v., so I said fuck it and worked on some business. Then about 2 hours later, I decided it was dinner time and fixed myself some bomb ass dinner, and yes it was some top-notch, five-star, culinary wolf gang puck chef shit. I mean some vuelo shit.

It was some Sanitas tortilla chips, topped with black beans and mild cheddar cheese grated on top. Good shit, right? Hahaha but I loved it, because it was so fresh and left me feeling good. And had a glass of simply lemonade on the side. And while I ate I watched Shark Tank, one of my favorite shows, and it was cool. I love to see people's ideas, creations, and business ventures, it gives me inspiration to further my own. Speaking of which, my brains been going non-stop since that day I was sick. I had at the very least 11 cups of tea that day and I was not counting. Since then, I've been awake the past two nights only operating on two hours of sleep, but shit, I ain't sick any more, and my cousin's still kinda sick lol but hopefully she'll get better soon.

But yeah, I have decided that I want to get my hands into business, after coming up with the ideal business to start-up, and my decision is firm. I don't want to just try my hand at this and see what happens, fuck that, I want to DO this and am prepared to DO this. Before, I've never had a clear ideal of what I wanted to do, I always said, I'll try this, I'll try that, see what happens, blah blah, but now, my ideals are getting clearer and clearer as I see myself coming closer to destiny, and I'm ready. I don't want to just test the waters, I want to get in and start makin' waves, hurricanes n some mo' shit. And when I do get my business up and running, you'll hear about it here first. Until then, I'm takin' actions over words.

Surprisingly, only a day after pretty much making up my business in my head, I have already made progress. And by the end of this weekend, I plan to have made a significant amount of progress, on my end, in as many ways possible to ensure that some way, some how, this will be started , and soon. Anyway, you can pretty much say fuck what I say, since words mean nothing in reality. And wait and see what happens and if my word is good. Picture me rollin' $_$ hahaaa

*Side note: this reminds me of high-school days when me and Tundae said we'd start our own business. When I was at Hami, I was in BIT, Business Interactive Technology, because I wanted to be a businessperson as a kid, But like any other interest in life I had, by the time I graduated, Hami had knocked it out of me by overly funding the (ahem) dumb-ass music academy. I.e., sports got no shine, and BIT was just tech, no business... But me and Tundae said we would start something like the House of Blues except it would have a recording studio or something and I'd handle business and he would handle music or something like that, Shit I can't remember by now, but such a cute memory awwww lol


>After shark tank was over, I decided I was still hungry and made the bombest salad ever. And I do mean bomb. Thank God Olympia taught me something about making a bomb ass salad. *Side note: but has anyone seen her? She's been in hiding since a tragic night in July when she was stood up. She has refused to talk me since that day, idk why, even though I was staying in the house with her and my second family for a month. Just hope she's doing well.* Well basically I made a salad that consisted of: kale, baby spinach, cucumbers, avocado, hard boiled eggs, and chopped peanuts, topped with lemon juice and sesame seed and ginger vinaigrette. I can't even tell you how satisfied I was, so just parallel it to some gluttonous feeling of satisfactory you've got from something before. And I ate it and watched one of my favorite movies, Baby Boy in HD, but I've seen that movie too much so I didn't watch the whole thing, but that is a movie I could quote lol

Well, I did not at all mean to type this much. I meant to type 2-3 paragraphs, but damn, I felt like I just wrote an essay.

Hasta la vista baby,

Ailena

p.s. I've been trying to get my protein in since I don't eat meat. Great sources of protein include beans, cheese, eggs, nuts and milk. Stay strong peeps! PEACE

FUCK

There's nothing to watch on t.v.


The story of Friday and Saturday nights' life.


Peace


Ailena

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Do u know what the cost of AK is up in Afrika?

Hey,

Well, if you haven't gotten what this headline means, or the last one, then boooo!

I can't really fuck with you if you don't get it, and if you do, then I fuck with you off-top ;)

Hahaha jk, but honestly, if you get it, major props cuz it lyrics from my favorite artist of all-time M.I.A., that's all. No real meaning but to show some love<3 p="p">

Well, I thought I might as well blog again today even though I don't have much to say. I pretty much just stayed in the house all day healing myself from sickness, aka basically drinking hot tea/water all day and I feel 90% better.

Plus, I watched x-factor tonight, one of my favorite shows,  which was a great two hours of my day!! (damn, loner status)

Other than that, I just went grocery shopping, watched more t.v., handled minor business, made some phone calls, and that's about it. Oh, and I worked on training the dogs, and surprisingly, they're making progress.

I still haven't worked on my novel yet but when I do, I think I will start with the first few pages and making sure they flow, then skip around from chapter to chapter since I feel like it's mostly the beginning of the book that gets a lot more editing and towards the end of the book thats barely been touched. And if I do start that process, then I will probably post an excerpt that I really like on here just so anyone who's interested can take a look.

And you know what I was thinking the today, what if my book never does get picked up by a major publishing firm? Then I could always self-publish an e-book and sell it on Amazon, but I refrained from that idea because it offered such limited results from my perspective. It would be cheap to do it, and the book would be offered to the world, but it would need publicity. Then I thought that if my blog ever got tremendously popular, then I would be able to take on such a risky business venture on my own. But hey, I seriously doubt that would happen, but it would be tight Af if it did. Maybe I could start a celebrity blog, or sex blog (which I actually want to do) or more of a relationship blog, but it wouldn't even go with the genre of my book, so for now, I'll just stick to writing whatever I want since that's what I enjoy doing.

Anyway, this blog has been pretty boring if I must say so myself, but I'm happy so I'm just rambling on about bullshit. But wait for it, there'll be that one day when all this emotion spills out of me and you'll feel all the hidden love.

Cuz underneath it all, it's all really love.

I LOVE you !


Until next time when the light shines:



Ai le nA
 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Stains hang low on my shirt like ay ya ya

Ahhhhh,

Such a beautifully boring day in Redlands (again)...

Well I have been here since Friday night, so I've been here bout 4 days, and it feels like eternity.

Time doesn't go by too slow here, but I wouldn't say it's fast. Usually, I appreciate when I feel time slow down... but now i just wish time would speed up or invert, and I could magically just be in the future already. I really can't stand the feeling of wasting time, because honestly, with no real productivity in my life as of now, no school, no job, no nothing, I feel like I'm wasting away..

I guess I'll just have to work on my novel; I haven't looked at it in months, but it's the only thing that i could do that would be close to being productive. And last night I did spend some time googling salary figures of engineers, and what caught my attention is that an associates in certain fields of engineering can actually make you around + or - $50,000, which isn't bad seeing that some bachelor's degrees would make you just as much money at entry level... so it's something to consider. But then I was looking up the jobs for an aerospace engineer, analyzing the statistics of job offerings in Los Angeles, qualifications, etc. And come to find out, a lot of the jobs require "secret" security clearance by the government; basically you must pass an extensive background check and be granted clearance to hold a job that handles the use of "secret" information.

Apparently, there are 3 levels of types of security; confidential, secret, and top secret. Confidential, is the most basic and always given to those in the military, then secret is mid-level, and top-secret is CIA, presidential status. I thought that was kind of cool, but ultimately my criminal background won't be clear until around April 2014, that's if I don't get convicted on this case I'm fighting now, meaning that it would pointless for me to pursue a 2year degree, since it takes about 2 years to get this type of "secret" security clearance anyway. Might as well just wait since I want a bachelor's anyway, well probably a doctorate one day, but I'll see if that's necessary...

I just hope that Obama gets re-elected for another term. Honestly, all bullshit aside, he has done a great job at being president, a really great job. He has made change, and I wish I was brushed up on physics so I could make an equation throw in some vectors with direction and some velocity to physically show what I mean. Basically it would translate to opposite direction, at an accelerating velocity, i.e. forward. And I know he will create more jobs and better the economy if selected for another term. I think what he has done in the last 4 years is commendable... I mean I could only imagine what his day to day life is .. WORK. And he puts in work. He showed up at every national crisis, like when the batman shooting happened, he was there the next day like whaddupp cuh and he really wasn't obligated to show his face, he could have just made a statement.


Anyway, a brief ending to that because I honestly don't do politics. My mom does (now) which makes me hate it even more, because she's more ignorant than she thinks... and trust me I never claim to be the brightest star in the sky, but it sucks to see someone you love be so voluntarily ignorant and somewhat brainwashed by all the crap she watches on t.v. *Side rant: but she literally never turns the t.v. off. Whatever she's doing the t.v. is on. Even when she sleeps, she still leaves the t.v. on even when no one is in the room. I mean whatever though, I can try to advise her on her life but she's so smart, I know she got it all figured out. Shit, I hope...

And last night, I could not sleep so I seriously wanted to come back and blog again about how torn I was... I really wanted to leave Redlands and go back to LA, and part of me still does, but after a night of rest, I know what's really good. And that's staying out here. I can make it. What really makes me desire to go back so much honestly is Babi3. And just so that we're all clear, Babi3 is my friend from babi3 gang. I don't call him that aloud, nor does he call himself that, but when I speak of him publicly on the Internet, I say babi3 as sort of a character name? Idk, but the role he plays in my life is as a mentor/ counselor/ adviser, as he would say... but really (I despise this word), he's more of a best-friend.

I can talk to him about anything, I never feel like I have to hide anything from him, he gives me support and motivation even though he talks a lot of shit too, he's literally always there for me. All in all, he's my roll dawg, down for the ride. I could even talk to him about the guys I still like and tell him like damn, I wish things could have ended up differently between me and so n so, but so n so hates me for x,y, n z. And he would always say I'm lying, I'm a virgin, a square, blah blah, blah, I just miss laughing with him everyday.

And it pains me to know that I left him. I know he depended on me for certain shit, like I depended on him for certain shit. But I just hope that he knows I didn't leave him out there to dry and that I would never do that. I'ma be back to visit and in a year and a half, I'll be back for good. Shit, if I can, I'ma bring his ass out here with me, even though I know I'ma regret on like the third day. Lol


But overall,  trust,  our relationship goes deep, deeper than surface, face-value bullshit.

Ok enough about him, but if it weren't for my guilty conscience about leaving babi3 behind, I wouldn't be so pained being here right now, because I can deal with being without him, that's not a big issue, but it's the fact that I know babi3 so well, that I care about how he's doing, his sanity, and how he's holding up. Damn, shit hurts.


Usually to me, writing can evoke a certain type of emotion, even over a screen, on a page, whatever, or at least to me, my writing does. What I mean is that I can read my own writing and tell what I was feeling when I wrote something.. and I wonder if other people can too..? Idk, but My writing in the last post, and this post, seems depressed, and I hate that.

But I mean, being here has altered me and my life completely, which must be taken into consideration. No matter what I went through at home, I ALWAYS found myself happy. So being here makes me debate in my mind, what's more important: living a happy life or living a comfortable  life?

I don't know. But for now, I am here.



And the BET awards are on now and sadly, I don't care. At All.

The only person I semi saw was Tip. I love T.I., from gangsta to family man to rapper to giving back to his community, I really do love T.I. And I'm glad I saw him when I was changing channels earlier. But one thing I did forget about was the cyphers, which I think would really be the only thing worth watching the show for.

And I just found my Alice and Wonderland book randomly from when I was like 10. My Aunt always saves like every little thing, so it's no surprise that when I looked over to her bookshelf a few minutes ago, I spotted it wedged between two sophisticated books like it belonged there. Lol But now I'm gonna keep it forever!! ... And sadly, I had to throw away my book collection recently :'(

Off topic, but I swear this is the last thing I think I'ma say, wait I just thought of one more thing, but on the recent basketball wives la, I just watched that shit yesterday, Draya was fighting with Jackie and Jackie called her a hoe over and over saying she sold her body, etc, and by the look on Draya's face it was so readable, and I just wanted to give her a hug at that moment, cuz I could see that Draya did sell herself, poor babygirl. And I saw this girl on twitter/instagram before I started watching the show, and I was like damn why does she have so many followers, I guess cuz she's pretty, and has ass and is a bright skin, but then I saw her on t.v and was like ohhhhhhhhh


Also, I retract the statement that I made about dogs yesterday. I love them regardless of the fact that they follow me everywhere I go, are always in my face, and they don't listen. I think I would let Freud sleep in my bed with me, if I wasn't 100% positive that he would lick my face when I was sleeping, and shed his dog hair in my bed and if he took a bath more often then that would better his chances. But ey, he's just a dog.


And this is the last thing, I swear, but I'm sick. My cousin got me sick the first day I got down here and it has gotten progressively worse. And I can't take medicine n if I could, the only medicine I would take is triple c's. That shit works miracles, and if used improperly, is fun, but I don't do those things anymore. So thanks for doing me dirt fam.


YoudA YoudA the best <3 p="p">

PEACE

Ailena



p.s. I never get to write everything I wanna say and that is inevitable, I always forget, digress, etc. But I do remember two things that I wanted to say. And I'll make it brief. 1) Redlands is creepy af, there are ghost everywhere, like literally. There's one in my house but I just ignore it cuz it doesn't bother me, but I can tell that she's there, And this town just has an overall creep feeling to it. My Aunt was just telling me some crazy shit the other day about witchcraft, and this old lady she met a long ass time ago that she worked for that was evil, and how she would kill youngsters to keep her body young. It was too much for me bc I'm well aware of the spiritual world, and my Aunt a lot more,  and to know shit like this just further confirms my worries that Redlands lowball has more wierdo people like that around than I think...



and 2) I'm not gonna say the 2nd thing, I started to, but then decided not to. I saw some action taking place, in the future, and If it happens, I will let you know. And if it doesn't, oh well. I was just going to make a brief comment about it because it was a good thing, but nevermind. You probably wouldn't get it anyway. Bye :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Damn Blogger,

Again, long time, no blog-- whadddup?

Well me, I'm good, and forreal furreal Pharell, I'ma start blogging again.

Anyway, I now catch myself at my aunt's house, where I have plenty of time to do random bullshit like blog, so that's how I know I'll be blogging again cuz when I lived with my mom, thats when my blog was most active aka I was most bored.

The only thing to really do here is eat and get fat, but fuck that, I'm not trying to fit in with the average American and eat until my stomach gets fatter than my ass, so I'll blog and read and stuff like that, cuz I can only take so much of t.v. before my eyes get dry and my mind gets bored, but I do love t.v. no doubt and idk why.

Well, being here is really the last place I expected myself to be, but with recent circumstances, my parents convinced (more like forced) me to move here. I can honestly say it was the best option, because in the the end, I'm looking at the bigger picture, not necessarily at trivial day to day life. Which is good since I have never had such a strong mentality when it comes to what path I want to take in life.

Anyway, about here, its cool, boring and all, but I just need to clean my room. Idk why, but it was so dirty when I moved in. There's cat hair all along the borders of the floor, and on the bed (like in the cervices between the bed and the frame), and theres dust on the ceiling fan; it's so gross. It's like damn, really tho??? I mean the cat ain't been in the house for years and y'all still haven't cleaned this shit up? Whatever tho. Other than that, it's cool to have my room and space. I just wish babi3 was here with me.

And we have dogs here. Sorry if I offend anyone, but dogs are annoying Af!

I love Freud tho, cuz he's my dog that moved here awhile ago, but he is bad af. I mean sooo bad. He knows exactly what I say to him and what I mean, but he looks like idgaf, and does whatever he wants. Its not like I try to hold a conversation with him, I say simple shit like "Lay down" and he gives me that idgaf attitude. SMH and my lil brother Elijah spanks him, thank God, but 'Lijah's not here right now :(

And speaking of Freud, he was named after the famous psychologist by my mom. And my moms is graduating with her doctorate on October 20th! I'm so proud of her! Hopefully she can get a real job now. But my family might be moving to Boston Summer 2013 if CJ gets into Harvard :(
It'll be bittersweet.

Oh and there's another dog here named Bella, my cousin's dog. She's okay.

And even tho this is my Aunt's house, she's not even here, and rarely is. She spends most of the time house sitting her sister's big ass house and dogs in Palm Springs. They're legit multimillionaires since her husband is the CEO of General Mills, which is niiice and why they mostly live at their other house in $anta Barbara.

But I aspire to be like that one day. I mean I have dreams, but that's all they really feel like, is just dreams... But I'll come back to the topic of dreams another day... But forreal, I have dreams. My dreams are to be a writer...a novelist.. to parallel J.K. Rowling [who has a new book The Casual Vacancy which I do want Santa ;) ]or Stephanie Meyer. Women who have taken their creativity and talent and turned into 100s of millions and billions of dollars... who directed and produced the films of their books, who have turned their ideas into money; those are my dreams. Honestly, any type of well-paid writing job would be my dream career. Whether it be as a novelist, or a songwriter, or screenwriter, any of the above.
But one thing I do have is a novel I have written. It is finished in it's entirety and I wrote it while I was in San Francisco, but it could always use some altering and editing, which I probably will also do since I have so much time. My dream is to see it published and available in bookstores. Even if it never sold One copy, I would feel very accomplished just to have it published.

But In reality, I say fuck dreams. Don't get me wrong, dream on, dreamers... but don't just dream, do. For instance, my novel will always be my baby, pride, and joy, but who knows? It may never get picked up by a literary agent or a publisher, real shit. And no matter what, I always said I'll be a rocket scientist, and I am, that's why I gotta take my shit seriously and get my degree in aerospace engineering. Which I can get the transferable credits I need in a year and a half, and apply to Ucla's engineering school and get the fuck out of Redlands. Yup. That's where I'm at good ol' Redlands.

Fuck it. I'ma google an engineer's salary, give myself some motivation, and I need to make a phone call.
So peace out Youngins. Keep it OG in the streets for me.



aiLENA