Wednesday, January 17, 2018



Can we bottle up your essence?

I'ma hit your line, I know you got it.

I don't think you can pay to put that kind of smile on your face. hahaha daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam !!! my heart just broke open it was like a hard shell broke away and i became alive again. in short. dang and for what 7 years now i have been      ..

i need a fuk a kit kat.. i need that bottle asap fam!!!

um? can i post ur pic now? lol

what about a tbt of us fam?

u sure u still like me?

i gotta go.
until next time.

PeAce n Love *~~~~



Thursday, December 21, 2017

you comin back?

i love this <3 p="">

its like that.

my heart flies. slow down dang.
i always think i got it figured out,
but growth is life,

no graduation.

i love growing. flowers.


love ya'll


Saturday, December 9, 2017

da me ma gasolina

da me uhleeeenahh uhhh

lol my ego is wild. i feel everything she's saying
i get tyg a off, i turn tyg a on

i love this by cardi b

it pretty much sums things up for me right about now

petty bitches always gone be talkn shit when you fire smh

used to it

 bum bitches if u ask me




Wednesday, December 6, 2017


It has been so long, and I find myself, not only thinking but, dreaming about my love.

I don't won't to go too deep, off the radar, but I will write my thoughts.

I won't give his real name, but let's just give his character a name: Tyg a. He was so fine, like Tyga, so why not?

Anywho, I like lost my mind in this dude. Wtf? Why did I have so much love for this boy? Why do I still have so much love for this man? Out of all the people, well boys, I ever met, why do I still feel so strongly about him? I thought I would get older, forget about him, move on, but it never happens. 

Every so often I think of him, dream of him, I even dream of his friends because of him, like they pop up in my dreams with him. Tf??????

It's the memories. They never fade. Trust me, I've crushed on hella guys. I mean in highschool alone, although I was quiet, hella dudes lol but none like Tyg a.

I want to replay all my memories. I have to. I want him.

Well, I met him 2010.

It all started one day, or should I say night. I had an apartment, Tundae said he had speakers, we were like fuck it, let's have a party. Well, kick back. Tundae had a car back then, and so we linked up, somehow people got invited, and we had fun.

Side note: prior to this, I had just met Matt, damn, the homie!!!!! But forreal, his ass is hella crazy. Tundae came over with him one day to my apartment in santa Monica. I said I had weed. I had an 8th. I meet Matt, and he was like dang, you said you had weed, but I didn't know this much, somethin' like that, we hit it off, and were friends immediately. Same night, we copped some triple C's. This n!gga made a game of the shit. He was like how many can you pop, he was like I popped 8, I was like 9, he was like 10, we went up to some ridiculous number like 16. Lol triple cs were the ish, but nah I'm good. Mess up your liver real quick, walls will be textured n shit, lil high. that's it.

>So I remember him. It was the night that one of our friends, at the time, brought some bomb e, and brought some for everybody. I think it was the NBA championship game that night too. So we dropped, and I shared half mine with a homegirl at the time. But it hit bomb, kabooom yeah boiiii!

And I remember walking through the room past the dining room, and he was sitting at the little table we had.

In my head, I thought, " I like him, no I like everybody . .  . But I like him a little bit more than everyone else ".

And I was walking to the balcony, and in my head, I thought to him, "follow me". And he did.

We got out onto the balcony, and he said, " you like me, but you like me a little bit more than everyone else".

Then he just went back inside. I wanted to kiss his lips so badly, but I was in shock, like did he just read my mind????

*Side note: I want to hear his side of this story.

And I also remember we were sitting on the floor by the big chair in my living room and he said something like if I was going to get to know him, what questions would I ask.. or something like that.
Those were the early memories. Tyg a. ❤

Then, I remember one night we were laying on the floor of my apartment, across from each other. I had my legs Indian style, but laid back with my hands beneath my head. And he was laying straight across from me, but on his stomach.
And we had like intercourse in my mind. Like an intellectual stimulation. In my mind, he was inside me... Can't say what was on his mind tho.

Side note: this is a dude I never was with, barely even hugged him. But Everytime I saw him, my heart jumped, my frequency increased around him. It was like a light. Just being around him was like electricity.

I also remember I rode in his car once, I think. I barely recall, but we were getting into his car, and he asked me what my job was. I told him I was a stylist at BcBG, (Alyssa hooked me up)!

And I remember one time he came to my apartment, he called and said "can I park in your parking space? I'm going to smc" I was knocked out, so I said yeah, but I didn't even look outside to see if he was really there.

And he came to my birthday party, all late, and he gave me a small hug.

Well he knows who he is, and if you ever wanna be real with ya girl, let me know. 

I also remember seeing him at the mall, fox hills. I was coming from work, and I see him coming out the hats store, Lids. We made eye contact, and I started ducking n shit.
I was like hope he didn't see me, but we looked each other dead in the eye.
I started to quicken my pace. He says "heeey". I was like damn, caught me all off guard, "hi". He said what are you doing... I work here... I guess I wanted to run into him, because it's fox hills, c'mon, he worked there.

I remember the last two times I saw him. In 2012.

Second to last, me n my homegirl were going to the Bros house to chill, and Tyg a, his bro and his bro's girl at the time, we're going too. 

We were sitting in the jacuzzi, he had his bird chest all out, shirt off. Sexy.

I was all dirty from riding the bus around town all day n shit, and 4 months prego at the time.

Then I saw him a couple months later, randomly went to Venice skate park, i was kinda looking for him, and he was there, skating!!!! He is so fine omg. 
I was 6 months prego at the time, and that was the last time I saw him.

Years go by, and I've been had my daughter, my Ariel. I was in a relationship. But I felt like my partner had crossed me. So I got cold feet. Am I supposed to be in this? 

I hit him up, and expressed  myself, telling him how much I love him, like in essay format. He says, " are you gonna make me eggs and bacon?" 
I said no, because im a vegan, but I will totally make that boy, anything he wants now lol. 
I told him I loved him, and he said "that's not how love works" ok well how does it work then Snuffly!??
Anyway, he insisted that he wasn't into me like that. He denied me, once again.
And I decided to move forward with my relationship. 
And I told my partner that I had contacted him, and then, next thing I know, I'm pregnant. I felt like he did it on purpose, to keep me, or mark his territory or something. Idk, because it was right after.

Anyway Tyg a claimed not to be Into me, but I saw him making little videos, making faces like me. And I saw a different light in his eyes, like compared to other pics, like before I hit him up, vs.  after I hit him up. I'ma virgo, we analyze everything. 

N His eyes, I could swim in.
 He is truly majestic. 

And anyway, why talk to me if you weren't into me? It'd be weird, because I was saying stuff like I love you to him, weird shit if it was just random? Right?

But then I unfollowed him and blocked him. 

What could I do? He didn't want me, and I wanted to try so desperately hard to forget about him. Because although I hit him up once, I still thought about him often.

But I could understand why he wasn't into me. I mean I had hella guy friends, and I dressed like a skank.
 Shorts weren't shorts unless they were booty shorts lmfao, ass cheeks had to be hanging out the back. That was def instilled in me by Mel.
 But they were all just friends.

Side note: I saw that old ass pic of me, Mel n Tundae. Well we used to have matching days. Like in that pic it was red pants day, and supposedly she didn't have red, only pink. Having them two as my friends was a fucking show senior year. Those two personalities, fucking comical. At that time, they were equally my best friends, and I don't know if she ever got jealous but me and Tundae never did shit. But once they broke up, I was still friends with both of them, and I don't think either one took it too well and I graduated anyway. 2008 baby!

>My sly, cunning behind, I even became friends with one of his friends, to try to get to him, didn't work tho.


And about a week ago, I had a dream. This caused me to rethink everything. Dreams are from on high, so I really had to put thought on it.

Am I happy with my relationship now?
Why am I trying to make this work so bad?
This is misery.
Love shouldn't be this hard, it should be natural, with ease.
I've given this dude 4 straight years, well almost, of my life, and for what? He has wasted at least 50% of my time.
My life has really been a lot of pain with him, more than pleasure, so I'm making moves for me and my babies? you feel me? How can i be a good mother, when I'm down all the time, i gotta get on... frfr
at all costs!!!!!!!!!!!

I followed Tyg a on i.g. well sorta. I really want to get him in my life, please God. And I contacted his friend, I was like dolo gone have the answers, he did help, but he helped in a different kind of way. 
So here I am blogging on my blogspot. Like damn, if he ever gave me a piece of him, I would never let him down. Chronicles of my past.
But I had a dream he proposed to me. You know that Hawaiian bread, he had that in a pan, with some colorful stuff and we were like on a football field or somewhere kinda outside...then i saw his ig story... But I have had another similar dream, maybe I'll get into another time. That dream shook me alive. I was like what am I doing here? In misery? With this imposter?

Anyway y'all, it's always been real, peace,.


In Fact....

To be fair, I actually never gave up blogging.

In fact, on my old Facebook account, before it got "mysteriously" deleted, I had written a few *love blogs* if you will.

They were detailed accounts of how I felt about an individual, my lover.

Selfish much, am I?

But it was a private thing, a private world, where only he had access, because Facebook had a feature where you can specify who sees your posts, and he was my special guest, my Love.

But to be honest, I don't know if he even ever actually saw my posts, because he never mentioned it, but we weren't friends. I was so shy, especially around him.

And I don't know if this is selfish or not, because I think he has a girl now, but I'ma 'bout to crack this shit wide open in this mufukhA.

The "Book of Ailena" now available world wide on


Man, past chronicles, in full effect.

May Peace and the Force be with you,


Past Years Gone By....


Let's get straight to it. There has been much missing from my blog over the past years, well, concerning me.

I remember last time I tried to blog, I thought I had got locked out of my Blogger, which I didn't, but it's why I probably haven't blogged in so long.

I reread through all my posts, and it was hilarious, I was like, why did I stop?

Sometimes, life hits you hard, and you lose yourself.

I lost myself. All the things that made me: lively, vibrant, etc. Gone down the drain.

But I'm back. I love writing, and boy, do I have a lot to share. 

Hope you can keep up.

Peace n much love,


P.s. Live it up!! Love up!!! Never give up! Live life fully!!

Well.... Well...Well

Wow. Well, what can I say, Blogger?

It has been a loooong time since I blogged. Hell, I even forgot I had a blog.

Give thanks to the person who helped me kinda remember I had a blog.

I was feeling kinda down, and I hit him up so that I could be expressive. He was open, even though we've never been friends. 

I remember in high school, I'd be walking with my homegirl, and he'd be staring like a mug. And I'd stare back. 
Who knew they'd end up getting together? But that happened after I was out of her life.

Yesterday, the winds were ridiculous!!! I mean, they like hurt.

Those were winds of change my friend.*

I have a lot to go into, hopefully, i'll be able to get through it all.

Always with, Paz y Amor!