Friday, October 21, 2011

Blogger

It's good to be back on blogger.

It's the illest website to me.


It's my blog.


If you don't understand it then I say it's not for you to understand.
It's for me. My rants, my raves, for expressing my feelings, or whatever I want to say.


Please double check. You are at ailenav.blogspot.com


Paz gente. Adios amigos.




p.s. i forgot to change my font in the last post. smh i noticed tho


*think until you exhaust thought*

Happy Birthday Mom!

I just have to take the time out to say, Happy Birthday, to my Mom.


Maybe she'll never see this blog post, but the fact that it's dedicated to her is what counts.


Random thought, but I was thinking the other day about what it would be like to write a sex column.
But now that I think back,  Carrie Bradshaw was a sex column writer.


And for those of you who don't know, Carrie Bradshaw is the main character from Sex and the City played by Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex and the City was my one of my mom's favorite shows. So I was made to watch that show religiously, but I did enjoy it (after a while). 


Her other favorite shows were Friends, The Sopranos, The L Word, Weeds, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or Criminal Intent, and Snapped. Lol these shows pretty much describe her. So I'm fairly acquainted with these shows even though they are not my favorite shows. However, I digress.




But when my mom was my age, 21 years old and 51days, it was after my little brother Elijah's due date by about 5 or 6 days. Then the alotted amount of time passes, and she births my Nano.  That's just crazy to think about. . . that if I were her in her age,  I would be close to having a child, less than a week away actually.
And then whats really spectacular, and makes me think Damn! is that just 8 mos. later, she got me. Right before her 22nd birthday.  And I had just turned 12.
I love you Mom.


In actuality, she is my cousin. My true mother's brother's daughter. But legally she became my guardian, never giving up on me until I was 18.


And when I first moved out to L.A, I really thought I was a triple og or something. I got straight A's my first semester at Hami. But then I started doing whatever I wanted. I hung out with all these cute ass thugs from some little gang or clic that was repped pretty hard there. It was the crew with the finest guys though.  And I hung out with them, told my moms I wasn't coming home, told her I wanted to do what I wanted to do and she wasn't gonna stop me. She said fuck it. If you wanna do what you wanna do, fine. You can have your key and come and go as you please.

I said, okay. I hopped in the car with her and she drove my ass straight to Redlands.
That was the worst punishment ever. Luckily she came and picked me up two weeks later.
Redlands was boring af after going to L.A. I just didnt know anybody there anymore. Especially since all my friends were actually in Colton.
That was winter 10th grade.


But my Mom never gave up on me, but that's the closest she ever came. Oh, and on top of all that, my mother read the diary I had at the time. Why you so nosey daaaang?(*Dads voice*)
And she saw some evol stuff I had written. I always right for a certain imagenary audience. In a sense, myself.


But happy birthday mother, you have shaped me into the person I am today, and for that, I am forever thankful.


And her baby daddy too, Cj, Elijah's dad and my dad, kind of, he's always been there. If not physically, then financially. He's been there most of time for us, and he's too generous. In fact he pays my mothers $1400 rent now -__- 
But she's finishing up her doctorate so she kind of needs it. She just finished the school part, all she has to finish is her internship hours. She's has to practice a certain amount of hours before she can graduate and be licensed. So next year around summer, she will graduate with a doctorate in pyschology? from The Chicago School of Professional Psychology.  I'm muy proud of you mama!


I will love my Mom 'til death.


I mean, we are only 10, or 11, years apart.  But certainly that'll mean like having to live 20 years without her. Certainly, I have been through loss before, and that made me realize that the death is a part of life. For the only that you are guaranteed when you are born, is that you will die.




And one last story about my dad that I meant to tell but then started talking about my mom.


So it was the day before I was moving up to San Francisco, and I went to my mom's new place in Santa Monica. Now she lives across the hallway from my dad, and on a slightly nicer street than she was on before. And I'm meeting them up for brunch.


And we went to some cafe that was bomb af in Samo, forget what it was called, I think Jack & Jill's. But idk. And my mom asked me a topic that was real close to heart. It made me cry.
And my dad was there, listening but not talking at this particular scene. I don't think he has forreal seen me cry. But he did.
And then we rode bikes back, and my dad rides a board, to my moms house. And when I was leaving, he totally pulled out his wallet and gave me a $100, just because. And i appreciate that.


I think he's the hardest person for me to accept money from, because it's just for nothing some times.


Generousity. Fuck wit it.




Anyways, Peace my peeps. Got some ish to do! SWAG Happy Birthday Mom! :)








*Tell them pussy clean, tell them pussy squeaky, lets bust this pussy open in the islands of Wakikiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*
Love Nicki Minaj though
Vulgar af  n i love it.


Stop, now make that mutherfuker hammertime.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Space

ever since i can remember, ive had a love for space and the ocean

but the ocean gives me an eerie vibe everytime i think about going any further than beach, and idk why..

but space, i have so much more wonder for...
which led me to want to be an aerospace engineer, which ties my love of mathematics, sciences and space together. i literally wanted to be a rocket scientist.

but Fuck school. 

no one can credit my knowledge or what i know, and stick a value on it.
the gov't wants ppl to think that unless they pay to go to a school thats accredited by them, and graduate, then u aint makin $$$. but believe what you wanna believe *shrug

i just dont condone the education system; and im lazy af. if i find something to be uninteresting, then it automatically has the magical quality of putting me to sleep.

and if anyone watched Steve Jobs' commencement address to Stanford(?) he straight up starts off by saying he didnt graduate college. he said he dropped out, and began taking classes he was actually interested in. i guess he sat in on classes that HE wanted to learn about, and for free.

but anyways, back to my topic, space.

along with my love for space, mathematics, and science, also comes my love for aircraft.

everytime i hear a plane or helicopter, my eyes look to the sky.

in particular, the sound of air particles being divided, then smashing back into each other at an accelerated pace, and a high altitude has always been fascinating to me. the sound captivates my being into a state of temporary paralysis from awe.

and i draw perfect five -point stars. this comes from years of filling up pices of notebook paper with them.
and my mom use to bitch at me like wah wah 'why do u like stars so much? u thought ur mom was a star?' wah wah wah
[i'll never forget that she said that. kinda a low blow]

but i said, idk, i just do. which was true.

anyways, this brings me to Patrick.
not that anyone reading this would know him, but i still miss this dude.

  Patrick is one person i will never forget. he was my mastermind in crime, if me and him put our minds together, we could take over the world.

and Patrick was the first person to ever hand me a real piece of literature.
He was very well-read and knowledgeable. and before he handed me a book, i had to beg. and i mean BEG. over at least a couple of weeks before he gave me something to read. and he warned me before he gave me my book that it was a dark book, and to stay in the light while i read it.

and indeed it was a dark book. for if in the wrong hands, darkness would prevail.

but i loved it.
and along the way, Patrick introduced me to a lot of books. most of which, he would not me even  let me touch, but only shared excerpts.

and one book i asked him about, he said he had read, but that was all he ever told me about it.
that book was Dianetics be L. Ron Hubbards
so in the past week, this book, along with others, popped into my mind.
so i search for this book, and on the Dianectics website i put in my info to be sent an excerpt.

so i get a call from the Church of Scientology down the street, they invite me in to show me around.
so tonight i made an 8-block walk there to meet Barbara.
basics: Scientology, is the study of knowledge. dianetics is the science of mental health.

she showed me videos, we talked, and i filled out some papers, blah blah blah
but all i really wanted to see was a excerpt from the book.

the book was there, and they had like 20 other books by him, but i didnt get a good look. i just read the table of contents and a page or two, and the summary, but i thirsted for more.

so i asked the lady so many questions that i think i confused her lol
but anyways, i want to get the book, and another book, but perhaps, it may be one or other, or none at all. i'll see.

...and the sad thing about Patrick, is i have no idea where he's at right now. i mean i have a general idea, but i have no means of contacting him now. que triste.
but i know i'll run into him sooner or later so im not trippin

anyways be peace people.

Its been sometime,

but we meet again blogger.

i was on my tumblr account the other day when i decided to write a paragraph or two, and you know with me, thats like 1000 words, so i post it up and it erases, wtf?

the title was there, but the text wasnt.

i was pisssed.

i dislike wasting time.
plus i really like my layout, so i didnt want to change anything because tumblr can be confusing.

but FUCK tumblr.

i remember when i first set it up it took 2-3 days. and all that time in between it was workin my nerves like no other.

but i am restarting my blogspot, which will be text only, and saving all the pics/videos for tumblr, or the endangered facebook

.. and about that subscribe button... is that a yeigh or neigh? lol

ima say nah.
i mean ppl just nosey, but everybody has to go through screening.
just send me a friend request n lets keep this ish simple.

anyways,
im back on bloGGGer! and with that being said,

paz gente.

ps. i read all my old posts for fun, n i loved it all.

but an older me= new font
i have a different voice now :D lol