Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Ugh. Where to start. I guess it's been awhile since I have truthfully blogged. Years, in fact. But who really cares anyway?

 Yeah, this just got emo. Lol

But I do have two things I want to say.

All this time, all the years that have passed, and all it took was the love and support of two Aunts to get me where I am today. I will never forget what you (they) have done for me, and I did not come this far to stop now. I LOVE YA'LL (them)!! And I wish ya'll could get along, but I understand, and I'm not pressing the issue. Words, especially spoken, can never pang me. I learned that lesson the hard way; say what you want, but at the end of the day don't expect me to acknowledge it. I hear what ya say, but at the same time, I'm not really hearin' it, ya feel?

Anyhow 2013 has been a year where shit has gotten really real, no matter how fake some of you deem me to be. Sorry, but yes, it does "get real", at times. (I say "at times" sarcastically, when have you [the reader] ever known me to not stay true to my feelings and myself? I'll wait; you can explain never). I have grown to learn that no matter how much you may think you know a person, you really do not know them. You would think that after nearly two years, I would know Dan, but I do not. Well, I do know enough about Dan to know that I no longer want him in my life, and I can't wait for the time to come when I get to bang the peace sign in his front piece like "bye", and I will not let this time pass me by. [SIDE NOTE: fuck getting to know people; don't even waste time].

But yes, this time will not pass me by, as I feel it a comin'. Ya hear that, pa? That shit is loud and clear.

Onto brighter topics. Some of you have heard the rumors; some of you may have a firsthand account of the story and have thus shared it with others; and some of you have no fuckin' clue, which is best. But I have a great amount to tell you (my followers). I do this not for you, my loves, but for me. I do this not because I am selfish, but because I have reasons to everything I do. I am not so wasteful and self-indulged.
*Side rant: I will get to the point, but I wanted to quickly note that people notice things about me that I do not note myself. For instance, the other day 'Dan' said "you think you're pretty because you fixed your hair". No mf, I know I'm pretty and it has nothing to do with my hair; which if I may say myself is pretty as I have been wearing it naturally since I have no money to get it straightened n stuff. Instead of acknowledging him, I started ranting about perceptions, dislike, women, and other things. Point being, you may take into account my looks, but they are not a self-gratifying crutch. They are what they are, and I am a confident lady.

Yes, I have a child. A heaven-sent, bundle of joy that is all mine. It was what I wanted, and what I have. The only regret is Dan, the bd. He tries to keep me down, control me, and disrespect me, but fuck that. When I look deep down into his depths, all I see is a child; frightened to get abandoned by his mommy. I need a man. I will find a man, or no one at all. Dan, your time to exit is coming soon, step up to the plate, big papi.

Anyway, here is my lovely child. No one can ever compare, ever come near, or even parallel the love we have. And any man that would want to take me better know that I am a lady; I can't accept anything less. And any man that would want to even be apart of our life better know that unless we are getting married or are that close, don't expect to even catch a glimpse of my child in "real" life.

Anyway, this is a limited time post. Because in time, my life will move on. I will grow beyond even the wildest bunch of flowers. A girl once unbeknownst, floating in dreams of evolved realms.

Say Cheese! the feds(ya'll) are watching.

Free Willy ass Love,

Ailena V. =)

No comments: