Friday, October 26, 2012

Fuck

Why do my feelings hurt?



Why?


I hate it.



Sometimes, I wish I would have never met him. I wish when he came my way, I would have turned around, looked the other way, and ignored him.


I wish, I wish, I wish ...


I wish I would have never been subjected to all the bullshit I had to go through to just come out a loser.



Whatever. I've made my mistakes, more than you'll ever know, and more than what I'll ever tell you because I know what it'll do to you. It'll hurt.
And I would never want you to feel what I feel now. Never.



I just wish I would have never ever ever in my life met you. Because from day to day, I still think about you, STILL. Even when I had a stupid boyfriend I thought I loved, STILL, but just not as often. And even when Babi3 came in to my life, I had wished it was you instead of him, cause I knew you'd treat me right and treat me better.
And even to this very night, I wish it was you who was in my life, and I wish it was you that I Never met.


Why?

Because I know it's far too late to turn back now. Even if it wasn't for you, it is for me.


And why I have to share this with the whole world? I don't know, but I have to vent somehow, now that I find my weak ass in silent tears.

But these things, they play with my mind.
So, does her name start with a C?
Do you think about marrying her?
Or is it just that you really love her?


The things your mind wonders when you can't do anything but wonder.


Well, I just wonder what God's purpose was in ever putting you in my life path, and even then by keeping us connected spiritually. If anything, when I look to you, I see a true friend, in a way of sorts. And when I looked to the future, I saw us being only friends. So why does this hurt?


Idk. Life can be so incredibly vague and unexplainable especially when we need answers the most.

Anyway, I hope I can get over this.
Move on...? Trust me, I have.
But get you out of my head, Idk
It feels like a life-long disease..

Maybe it can't be cured, but hopefully I'll reach that one day when I'll be happy for you, and you'll be happy for me, and we'll have all the things we need, success, health, and love, and there just won't be time to think about each other... And maybe in the future, I'll pass you walking down the street, we won't say anything, just nod, and know and acknowledge that we've finally made it to that point in our lives...


But for now, don't think about me. Because everytime you think about me, it connects your energy to mine, and we stayed connected because I think about you in return. And I don't know when it will stop, but hopefully this connection will only be one-way, and eventually disconnected.




Be peace love,


AILENA



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